Distance, by Jess Cornelius (2024)

1.

Guy, take me out at night I forgot to tell youI’m from a different countryAnd there’s so much I don’t want from youGuy, open up your home Make me tea and toastAnd later in the morningI’ll find my shoes and makeupLeaving gets so easy you justWalk out of the bedroomAnd then you walkOut of the bathroomAnd then you walk Across the kitchen floorAnd you just let your feet carry youStraight out the front door. Guy, I am getting olderPeople tell me I shouldFind someone to look afterBut I seem to keep on Walking fasterStaying’s harderLeaving can be easy, you just Walk out of the bedroomAnd then you walkOut of the bathroomAnd then you walk Across the kitchen floorAnd you just let your feet carry youStraight out the front door. Uh oh, this is gonna be a hard oneThis is gonna be the hardest on I’ve ever doneHow can I get it done?How can I walkOut of your bedroomAnd then just let my fee carry me Straight out your front door?

2.

Well it all feels harder than normalAnd you wonder how it’s happened againSo you concentrate hard on your breathingCause it’s easier than feeling what you feelHeave and hell, is only a conceptIf it makes no difference, you might as well be happy about itIt makes no difference how you feelIf it’s gone it’s gone and You gotta keep on doing without itAnd one day it’ll feel like none of this was realYou wanna be like how they say in that old non-fictionJust float along with the waves Just back and forth in any directionWhereever you end up is gonna be the right way But we know It’s not trueIt’s so hard to take indifferent like that If it makes no difference, you might as well be happy about itIt makes no difference if you careIf it’s gone it’s gone and You gotta keep on doing without itAnd one day it’ll feel like none of this was realGo easy when you’re lying in your bed Cos the thoughts you’re having then are not the clearest or most logical of allGo easy cos it’s harder in the night And it’s harder when you’re tired And you can’t see it’s just a feeling And it’s separate from the real thing.

3.

When we met I used to make you laughThen we lost the baby and it broke my heartAnd I find it hard to be that funny nowTried to tell you that I can’t rewindI can’t walk backwards in my mindCos my body has a memory and it won’t forgetAnd I was my own woman once And I was sure I was enoughYes it’s true that I was on the fence The future scared me half to deathBut for those two weeks I felt like someoneWe had a plan and the plan fell throughI wish it could be simple like it is for youBut my body has a memory and it won’t forgetAnd I was my own woman once And I was sure I was enoughIf you love me don’t hurt me like thatI know you’re feeling pressured and just Talking ‘bout it makes you start to crackIf you love me don’t hurt me like thatCos my body has a memory and it won’t forgetAnd my mind has a body and it’s not done yet.

4.

I know it’s easy for no oneIt’s easy for no one at allI see them leaning on the barWith no clue as to who they areAnd I don’t feel like I’m missing out on so muchAnymoreBut I just can’t beginI keep wasting my timeOn other thingsLike thinking of the pastand all the other lives I could have lived insteadSome things get stuck in my headMaybe I’m dreaming butThat’s enoughI see no reason to be a boreAnd all of those things they say that you should wantand should be aiming forForget them allPeople are stupid and they don’t know what they’re saying Most of the timeTime is a fool It just doesn’t listenIt just doesn’t listen to meIt doesn’t do a thing I say Keeps on passing anywayBut I don’t feel the same way about it anymoreOh I just can’t beginI keep wasting my timeOn other thingsLike thinking, should I get a better job and maybe try to have a kid instead?Some things get stuck in my head

5.

6.

I’m turning eighteenIn my golden dreamsBut I know that time was hard for meI didn’t have the strength back then To take what I needed and to leaveWhat I didn’t needGot stoned in the carWatched the moon go speeding pastWhen I woke there was a song in my headIt’s been 15 years And I’m starting to remember it This is what you have gotFor your time on the earthThis is what you have earnedThis is what you have got For all those hours in the world You can wear it like a sun around your faceI’m ok I’m not lost for the momentOne of these days I’m gonna be born againBut it all came up so fast I looked up and I was tired and I had tried so hardHave you ever wanted to be loved so bad?And not by a person who could love you backAnd not by a person allBut the world.  

7.

I never thought I’d be alone for so longForming my opinions all by myself for days on endAlways wishing to be thinBut it’s only my heart that’s shrinking.And if I move to California Where will my problems be then?Disappear among the palm trees?I feel so happy when I think about themBut as quickly as the feelings comeThey drift away againI never thought I’d see it all laid out, quite so straight My happiness there on a plateI eat from it in every wayAnd still there is a plate to lickI’ve never lost the taste of itAnd when I got to California I wasSeduced by the size of the skyThrew my future at a man in a barAnd he caught it without blinking an eye But as quickly as the future cameIt passed me by.Have I loved anyone? I cannot say My heart is so red one minuteAnd black the next dayAnd can we love anyone?I do not knowLove’s a reflectionMore blinding than snowAnd is it naturalTo love only one?How much can I give youWhen I have none?

8.

Banging my head against a wallWhat do I look like, stupid?Banging my head against a wallOnly a fool comes back for moreBanging my head against a wallWhat do I look like, a f*cking idiot? Banging my head against a wallI won’t come cos you won’t callIf you were given loveAnd the love was taintedWould you just close your eyesAnd hold on tight, hope you make it?If you stumble onto the roadAnd a car comes round the bendWould you stand there in the headlightsJust waiting for it to end?And banging your head against a wallWhat do I look like, stupid? Banging my head against a wallOnly a fool comes back for moreAnd It doesn’t hurtIt doesn’t hurt for a whileSo you do it againAnd do it againThe ruts get deeper and the mind just gives inThe whole time I was with youI barely breathed at allTry keeping a low profile while you’re nailed to the wallAnd now it’s really happening babyThere are changes being madeLove can be a lucrative business When no-one else is getting paidAnd now I’mBanging my head against a wall

9.

Listen, It doesn’t matter like you think it doesThere’s nothing coming that’ll be enough You’ve gotta see it as a vehicle for loveYou wanna keep it draggingCos you’re afraid to meet the city aloneThis huge city but it felt like homeYou can’t take credit for that all on your ownYou know it’s just the beginningYou’re lonelyOh but ain’t you living?Take a deep breathWalk the streets till morningWalk em like you own the townWalk like nobody was really alive until nowListen, you really shouldn’t worry quite so much You have this idea that you’re losing touchYou wanna hold it togetherBut you don’t know exactly what that meansA big move and you could be on topYou know the top is just the bottom turned upYou’re gonna keep it togetherYou’re lonelyBut it’s not forever Take a deep breathWalk the streets for pleasureYou don’t need a coatI predict good weatherYou know a feeling never killed no oneSuck it up sweetheart, cos when it is done it is doneNothing breaks you like your own desireTake what you long for, look it dead straight in the eyeNothing could be better Nothing is foreverNothing could be easierI predict good weather

10.

Love and Low Self EsteemYou and I don’t talk about what happened anymoreI’ve made different friends; I go out less than I did beforeBut every now and then I see you at a bar in townAnd I wonder - would I be happier, baby, if I hadn’t found you out?Cause I remember asking for the truthAnd if you’d given me that I could have put up with a lot from youBut now the light is shiningAnd it shines so differently on the pastAnd it illuminates all of those questionsI never thought to askAnd sometimes I can’t tell the difference Between love and low self esteem‘Cause it’s when I’m feeling tiny as an eyelashThat’s when I want to be all you needI just don’t care at allThat’s what I’d like to say to you, if it were trueBut I can’t get over how little I knew‘Cause if you lied about herThen yes you lied about meAnd we both know you can’t really love a person that you just refuse to seeAnd when you told me you don’t want to live togetherI know exactly what you meanBeause why would you want to pay for dinner When you eat every night for free?I just don’t care at allThat’s what I’m gonna say to you, when it is trueWhen I no longer need a single thing from you.

released July 24, 2020

Produced and mixed by Tony Buchen, written by Jess Cornelius.

All songs recorded by Tony Buchen at West Avenue 34, 64 Sound and Stella Sound, Los Angeles except:
Palm Trees + Easy For No One recorded by Jarvis Taveniere at Comp-ny LA, additional recording by Tony Buchen at West Avenue 34.
Body Memory recorded by Daniel McNeil at Balboa, LA, additional recording by Tony Buchen at West Avenue 34.

Mastered by Andrew Edgson at 301.
Cover photography by Rachael Pony Cassells. Design and layout by Carl Breitkreuz.